Naked Marketing

I used to run around my house naked, screaming, "I'm a marketing genius! I'm a marketing genius!" But my reputation is now in shambles, and, sadly, I will have to put my clothes back on. Hundreds of people saw Jukebox Stories in Berkeley, so Brandon and I had captive audiences who would gladly sign our mailing list. I mean, after two hours of giving people pudding and oral sex lessons (not necessarily at the same time), we were confident that people would follow us to the ends of the earth. That's the power of Handi-Snacks and oral sex.

When we put our mailing list out for people to sign, they did it. But for most of our 17 performances, we were so caught up in the excitement of the evening, we forgot to tell people that the mailing list even existed. Happy folks walked out of the theater, high on life, and severed their ties from us as soon as they stepped onto the sidewalk. Given the opportunity to stay connected, they would've done it. We witnessed this! We did capture lots of e-mail addresses! We had repeat customers! We made new friends!

But we are ambitious. We want to dry hump EVERYONE who came to our show! So to make up for our neglectful marketing campaign, we are giving audiences who didn't sign our mailing list a chance to do so right here and now. We are going to treat our mailing list members special (not in a retarded sort of way) by providing them with exclusive links to MP3s and other goodies as the project progresses and as we work our way to galaxy-wide domination. I will not rest until anus-probing aliens love us too!

Click here to sign up on the Jukebox Stories mailing list. Put "(JS)" next to your name, so we know that's what you want.

And coming soon is my recap of our crazy closing weekend, which featured rabid high schoolers, dangerous fairy dust, and some hot straight guy who was willing to "cross over" all for the sake of entertainment.

—Reporting From Glendale, California